Dr. Gilda Carle, Ph.D. MSN Relationship expert....
Dear Dr. Gilda (...just take a good look at this fucker's picture and try to figure out if I'll like his advice or not. Give it a whirl.....)
I am a short guy who has always been self-conscious about my height. Throughout school, everyone would tease me, which made matters worse. I married a woman who was my height, and I thought we'd waltz into the sunset together (waltz?!? Into the sunset? Where'd you get that one?), but you can't base a long-term commitment on someone's acceptance of your physical shortcomings (sounds like a wager to me!) (no pun intended) (heh.), and we divorced. Now that I'm in the online dating world, I still can't get myself to come clean about my true height. Women have told me that it is not that important, so why am I having such trouble? (because you're short pussy) Does a man's size matter?– Tired of Getting Short-Changed
Dear Tired (that makes two of us...),
Dear Tired (that makes two of us...),
No one should feel the need to apologize for being who s/he is (except Hitler). But if someone feels flawed, s/he will naturally project him/herself (more use of /, please) as damaged, which will dampen the possibility of a new healthy relationship.
Is being short really a handicap? (Awesome question, Mr. Glick) It depends on whom you ask. Ask someone with a life-threatening disease, and you will get a different perspective. ("Yeah, hey, liver cancer patient, do you think being short is a handicap?....Go to where?!? Wow. It was just a question. Talk about attitude....jeesch") Ask box-office heartthrob (and fellow gay man), Tom Cruise, and note that, without apology, he went to the other extreme and married gorgeous women (beards) who are taller than he is (quite a feat).
The beauty of online dating is that you can decide whether you might enjoy a personality fit with someone before you get into physical details. (WOW! Did Doc just miss the whole fucking point about online dating or what?!? Yeah, that's why people go online to date. Yep! Personality traits first - looks second. Catch up, dickwad.) While people naturally categorize each other according to superficial (totally fucking necessary) stats, these factors quickly fade when there is a deep connection.
While many (all) people do have preferences for certain physical types (level of hotness), these preferences often block possibilities that might be worthwhile. Single people are less upset that someone may not look like a movie star than they are that the person lied. (but, if you look like movie star and you lie, take a guess if a second date happens or not...I'm gonna saaaaay youbetcha)
As my Gilda-Gram (Oh, dear God....die...now) says, "There is no twilight zone of honesty (deeep siiigh...hold it together, Snrub...steaaady....). You're either honest or dishonest, without an in-between." (He should be re-named Doctor Pithy) If you fudge your personal statistics online, how will you avoid your date's reaction when the two of you meet? (That's easy....pull a knife.)
One man discovered his date had lied about her education, and he dumped her (I bet he was a real keeper. "What's that? You're not a Harvard grad?!? For shame!"). A woman was furious that a man she saw twice had lied about his age. Another woman agreed to meet a man who advertised (advertised?) he was 5'9," but who showed up as 5'2". She refused to see him again, not because she didn't like him, which she did, but because he was dishonest (and waaaay too short). What matters most to most people is integrity. But if self-worth is shaky, integrity will be hidden from view. (Don't do what 'Donny Don't' does.....they coulda made that clearer.)
This is what I suggest you do: (Just end it...whoops! Sorry. That slipped out. Stay alive, please. )
Since you have been in pain for a long time over what you perceive as this flaw, get therapy to understand that your value is more than a longitudinal measure. (longitudinal measure?!? Holy fuck....and, while I'm at it...Get therapy for (wait for it....) being a SHORT GUY!...wow. Just go away, Doc.)
Write a compelling profile (brag letter) of your most endearing qualities to post online. Get help from your (two) friends who know your greatest traits. (would being an insecure, short guy who writes to the 25-year-old, online MSN relationship doctor be considered a positive trait?)
When asked to enter your height on an online registration, be honest and proud (and leave it blank). Accept this as the packaging with which you entered the world, and the challenge you need to work through. (strong words, indeed. Accept being short....oh, and view it as a "challenge" that you can change. Perhaps, you can start by reversing science and, perhaps, concoct a potion to make you grow taller! It's just a challenge you can work through, buddy!)
Growing to appreciate our unique characteristics is a mark of depth and maturity (or makes you an arrogant prick. Either way). Before attracting lasting love, you must begin your journey towards self-acceptance now (and start settling for being a toad).