Tuesday, December 30, 2008


In honor of David Wygant's victory in the Sardies, we have a special end of year installment from King of the Douchebags. Sorry, Snrub.

Are You Living A Movie?
Have you ever met somebody, and every time you are with them you feel like the two of you are the lead characters in a movie (while every other person around you is just an extra)? (What?)I am experiencing this right now. (I've never seen a movie where the main character sits at a desk and blogs)
I was actually just walking around today with the most amazing woman,(uh huh) and we both felt like we were in our own little movie. (Jesus! YOU JUST SAID THIS!)It was really interesting, and I want to share something with all of you that I think is the true definition of love. (Get on with it!)
The other day, this woman and I were walking on the promenade in Santa Monica (I guarantee they went to Starbucks) completely off in our own world together. We were walking my dog Daphne, (Thank God we know the precious name of David's fucking dog) holding hands and talking to each other. We walked around checking out store fronts, just enjoying the day and being together. (Snore)
Then we ran into Craig, a friend of mine who actually works with me on weekends, (Is this going anywhere? Does he put any effort into editing?)and who seemed to almost come out of left field. (Almost out of left field? That makes no sense. He either did or he didn't.)Having him approach us kind of broke us out of our zone, and it almost took a minute for it to register that someone was talking to us. (That's called being self centered and dickheaded.)Once it did, however, we talked to Craig for about five minutes and were totally present during that conversation. (Oh, good.)
After we left Craig,(stop saying Craig) we talked about him for about 30 seconds (mostly me filling her in on who he is and how I know him) (thank God David gives us every minutia detail of every fucking conversation he has) and then we went right back into our own little movie. (Oh, fuuuuuuuuuuck you)It was almost like Craig was a minor character who popped in and out of one scene in our movie, and he never crossed our minds again once his mini-appearance in that scene ended. (I'm going to LA and finding him and punching him in the nuts. Seriously.)
It’s not a knock on other people. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to other people. It’s just that when I’m with her, I feel like she and I have created our own movie in which every other person is just an extra. It’s truly an amazing feeling. (Deep, deep exasperated sigh)
That night she and I went out to dinner. The people at the table next to us started talking to us. We were friendly, and engaged in a short conversation with them. The minute we finished that conversation, though, we went immediately back into our own world and our little movie. (WE GET IT!)We were so engrossed in our world, in fact, that it took the waiter two or three approaches to our table before he got our attention. (Oh, waiters love that!)
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to get lost in your own little world with somebody. (Unless you're somebody else) It’s what we are all striving to create. (We are?)We are all striving to create a world with someone where both of you can get lost together. (And the syrup is coming out of the bottle in rapid speed)
It is a world where you share an incredible connection and love with someone. You are so connected that this person you love can tell you a story, and you can actually see the place they’re describing even though you’ve never been there. (Gonna..barf)You see what they saw. (Gorp! Must..keep..bile...down)You can understand exactly what they were thinking. You can feel their emotions. (And out it comes! )
You’re just so connected to that person and to their soul, that you are able to really feel everything they feel even if you haven’t experienced each thing for yourself. (You just said this)That is what this is all about and why we spend so much time working on ourselves. We want to get to the point in our life where we create our own movie with someone in which we are the lead character and every other person is just an extra in the background. (or you're a self centered man child fuckstick)


Christo P. Ney said...

What a bag of douche!

He's never been in love. Still isn't.

And I can't believe I remember this, but didn't he just meet this girl two months ago? If I were her, I might be a bit creeped out.

Anonymous said...

These are the ramblings of a STALKER! Read it again, reverse genders, and think of Kathy Bates in 'Misery'.


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