Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Simpsons go Country.

Jessica Simpson tries to go country

RANDALL, Wisc. - Jessica Simpson’s gone country – but can she stay there?

The aspiring crossover singer made her country concert debut at the Country Thunder USA Festival (there were TONS of African-Americans in attendance, I'm sure) in Randall, Wisc. on Saturday, where she reached out to an unsure (drunk) audience.

“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy (all of them. Shitkickers can't get enough news about Hollywood) , but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas; I’m just like you (....except you're from Wisconsin - not Texas, don't have millions of dollars, aren't smoking hot, aren't in movies, don't date NFL players and can't sing.....other than that....) ,” Simpson told the crowd, according to the Kenosha News. “I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.” (Romo's gotta love that moniker...)

High-profile boyfriend and Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo may not have been there to comment (busy fucking himself), but concertgoers were quick to offer their opinions of Simpson’s show.

“I actually like her country songs better (high praise, indeed),” Mary Grace told the newspaper. “She has a great voice, plus, she’s adorable.”

In addition to her own material, Simpson reportedly sang country covers including Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” (Oh, dear me. That had to be a musical abortion.....) and Shania Twain’s “Who’s Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?” (never end a song title with a preposition!) But she didn’t win over everyone.

“I just don’t hear the country in her,” said Adam Matos, from Arlington Heights, Ill. “I don’t hear the twang. She’s not good enough to be here.” (Adam....look at her picture in this post, after you're done jerking off to it. Do you really give a shit about her twang? (that word, by the way, is dangerously close to being filthy)....)

Mike Rodriguez of Lake Geneva, Wisc., seconded that opinion.
“Just because she’s dating Tony Romo it doesn’t make her country (Romo is from Eastern Illinois. How does that make HIM country?) ,” he said. “She doesn’t fit in with country, and I’ll have to drink a lot of beer to sit through her concert.” (well, THAT I'll grant you)


Sarah said...

She is actually from Texas...Waco, Texas. And don't ask me how I know that..

Anonymous said...

Well, it was unclear. I was commenting on what she was saying to the Wisconsin-ites....that THEY'RE not from Texas...

I can see how that was sarcastically unclear, though.