Best Excuse For Hiring a Prostitute Ever!!!

Shit like this just makes my heart sing....

Anti-gay rights activist resigns after trip with male escort

By the CNN Wire Staff

May 12, 2010 9:35 p.m. EDT

(CNN) -- The anti-gay rights activist who recently toured Europe with a male escort has resigned from a group that promotes counseling for people who "struggle with unwanted homosexuality," though the man insists that he is not gay. (Insists! If I stamp my feet and scream loud enough and keep saying it it's true! Hey when did Jay Marrioti get here??)

George Rekers resigned from the board of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (sounds hot!), the group's website said Tuesday.

"I am immediately resigning my membership in NARTH (Almost sounds like NAMBLA) to allow myself the time necessary to fight the false media reports that have been made against me," (and the one where they have me getting on the elevator with my gay escort. they can do anything on these new fangled computers these days.)Rekers said in a statement posted on the group's website. "With the assistance of a defamation attorney, I will fight these false reports because I have not engaged in any homosexual behavior whatsoever. (Except anal sex and having my salad tossed. Other than that? Straight as an arrow!)

"I am not gay and never have been," the statement said. (Larry Craig? Who left this door open?)

The association accepted the resignation (NO!), saying on its website Tuesday that it "would hope that the legal process will sufficiently clarify the questions that have arisen in this unfortunate situation."(That's a ringing endorsement if I've ever heard one)

The group has scrubbed Rekers' writings from its site, with a page that formerly featured his work now bearing the message, "Sorry, you've reached a page that doesn't exist." (LALALALALALALA I can't hear you!! LALALALALALA!!)

Rekers, a Baptist minister, has been a prominent and effective foe of gay rights legislation across the country. He is a co-founder of the Family Research Council, one of Washington's most powerful conservative Christian advocacy groups, and has weighed in on anti-gay rights legislation across the country. (God, life is good when shit like this happens)

He received about $120,000 to appear as an expert witness in a 2008 case challenging Florida's ban on gays and lesbians adopting (Save me from myse.lf!!)

Rekers has written that gays are a "deviant segment of society." (And how!)

Revelations of Rekers' trip to Europe with a male escort surfaced last week, shortly after he returned to the U.S.

The male escort who traveled with Rekers -- who goes by the name Lucien, though that is not his given name (I did NOT need to be told THAT)-- said that he advertises his service exclusively on the website rentboy.com,(travel site?) where visitors can choose from hundreds of male escorts in suggestive and revealing poses. (Oh)

Lucien says Rekers first contacted him through the site. He was hired to give Rekers daily "sexual massages" on the trip, (nothing gay about that) which took them to London and Madrid, Lucien says. (Is that a euphemism? As in "I took my wife to London AND Madrid last night! Twice!!)

"He got excited," Lucien said of the massages, adding that Rekers wanted Lucien to touch him, though Lucien said that he didn't have sex with Rekers and that Rekers didn't ask to have sex. (I just spit took)

According to a contract Lucien showed CNN, he was hired to carry Rekers' bags and to provide at least one hour's worth of massage every day in their shared room, at a cost of $75 a day. (If I was a raging closeted bigoted repressed homosexual looking for a quiet evening of homoerotic sex, I would consider this a bargain!)

The contract also stipulated that Lucien spend at least eight hours a day with Rekers, including sharing two meals. (HOT!!!)

Rekers' website provided a different account of how he met Lucien and of the trip, saying he needed help carrying luggage because of an "ongoing condition following surgery." (Oh, man. I can't really top that with a snark. It speaks for itself.)

The site said Rekers "found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant's internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship." (Except the whole hand job from a guy thing)

Rekers' site said he "was not involved in any illegal or sexual behavior with his travel assistant."

Rekers is a distinguished professor emeritus at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, according to his website. (Bible Thumper Medical School. Guess where I'm going when I need my next rectal exam!)

He earned a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles, an M.B.A. from Southern Wesleyan University and a Doctor of Theology degree from the University of South Africa, his site says.

Lucien says Rekers told him about other boyfriends before the European trip. But Lucien says that in their ongoing conversations, Rekers continues to deny that he is gay. (Wide stance.)

"I actually asked him over the phone, 'Do you think you're gay?' and he said, 'no'," Lucien said, adding that Rekers asked him not to share his story with the media.

In a statement on its website Tuesday, the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality said it stood by its work promoting therapy for gays who wish to be straight. (Seems to working great! Keep up the good work!)

"(T)hese personal controversies do not change the scientific data, nor do they detract from the important work of NARTH," the statement said. "NARTH continues to support scientific research, and to value client autonomy, client self-determination and client diversity." (What?)

CNN's Randi Kaye contributed to this report.