Monday, January 25, 2010

Oh, Goody.

It's been awhile since we've gone down Douchebag Avenue with ol' Davey.

Heeeeeeeeeere we go again....and a 1 and a 2...


Let me ask you all a question. Does watching the NFL playoffs sometimes make you look back at your athletic past and say, “Well, I could be Peyton Manning if I had only worked harder at it?”(Not once.)

If your answer is yes, I say to you … Really?! Come on now.(What if you were actually really good?)

The fact that you would even compare yourself to anyone else is a sign of emotional immaturity. (I really have nowhere to begin with the stupidity and hypocrisy of this statement coming from a guy who bases his ENTIRE CAREER on comparing himself with other men) The only person you need to compare yourself to is yourself.(Oh. My. God. Fuck off.)

It doesn’t matter what area of your life or yourself you want to be better. (Can someone get this guy an editor, please. Try reading that sentence 3 times and see if it smooths out. I gave up) Ask yourself how you were one year ago compared to how you are now.(I hated you then and I hate you now...Same will be true next year)

Have you grown in the last year? (Back hair? Yes.)What have you learned? (You're an ass.)How have you progressed? (Isn't that the same as grown? See? By the word) What do you still need to learn, and what are you going to do to get there?(Prove your work. What is this? Algebra class?)

I receive emails all the time in which people will write things like, “David, I’m just not as good as my friends with women. I go out with my friend Bill and he’s so great at meeting women. I just wish I were him.”(No he doesn't.)

Let me tell you something. With that attitude, you’ll never get good at it.(Get good?)

What you should be saying instead in your email to me is this: “God, I went out with my friend Bill the other night and it was so much fun. He’s amazing with women, and I just learned so many things from him and had such a great time! I’m so happy that he has this skill, and I look at him as kind of a role model.”(I am going to strangle him. Seriously.)

Never compare yourself to other people. (Got it)Never look at somebody else and say “I wish I had as much money as my friend Tom,” (You already said this) or “I wish I had as good a marriage as my friend Jimmy.”(Yeah. Wishing for a better marriage is loser talk. Go hit on strange women at Whole Foods!)

Instead, go to your friend Tom and find out how he made all that money. (Born into it)Learn his secrets,(genetics) so you can incorporate them into your own life.(Fuck an heiress) If your friend Jimmy has such a great marriage, then sit down one night with him and his wife and ask them what the secret is to their happy marriage.(Money)

You do this so that you can learn from successful people. (Like David tells his losers at his bullshit seminars) That is for what successful people are there. (For us to learn from? Huh?) Successful people are there so that you can learn from them. (You just said this TWO SENTENCES AGO!)They are not there to make you jealous.

If you are jealous of other people, you are never going to learn from them. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. (So is arrogance and douchebaggery)If you’re happy about other people’s success, on the other hand, then you are able to sit down and ask them about how they achieved their success.(He has now said this or some derivative of it 4 times now)

Everyone loves to share their journey, (they do?) and life is all about paying it forward. (there we go! David gets his buzzword bullshit in..BTW, Pay it forward jumped the shark in 2001) If you pay it forward, (He said it again!) then you are passing good lessons on to someone else.(I want him hurt. Badly.)

So, the next time you’re comparing yourself to somebody and you experience those tinges of jealousy, remember this blog. (And vomit) Instead of comparing yourself to them, ask them what they did to make themselves such an expert in the field of women, marriage, money or whatever it might be.(5 times! David is going for the record that he himself has set!)

That is what it’s all about. That’s what I’m here to do for you. (Make me throw up in my mouth?)

How did I get so good? (How do I act so well?! Ian McKellan in "Extras" anyone? ....Oh...I literally just sighed verbally. I seriously just pick a blog randomly and go for it. As i write little snipes, it's the first I've read them) Well I give you everything that I’ve ever done, and show you how I learned and overcame all of my own struggles, on my Community site and in my videos. I share everything that has worked for me.(Thanks. The SNC wouldn't be the same without you)

I just want to continue to enlighten you and help you grow as people. It makes me happy to share my knowledge with all of you.(And satisfies your massive ego!)

So take jealousy out of the equation, and put admiration into it. (After I just told you to basically be jealous of me) You’ll find life will become a lot easier and a lot more fulfilling.(Aaaaand...fuck you, you fucking asshat cockbag.)


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